I can still hear my mother say, “I love you kids and even though we don’t have much you girls are all I need. Even though things are hard I would never change a thing.” As she tucked us into our beds saying, “Sweet dreams good night and I love you” As she leans into give us a kiss I can feel her long black hair in my face.She was a strong indepentant woman who led by example always going without so wecould have what we wanted.
Although, as a young girl, I always dreamed of living in a big beautiful house, one that had an upstairs and downstairs with two bathrooms and four bedrooms so that my mother and my two older sisters and I could have our own rooms. It would have a nice big yard with a huge tree for
shade and strong enough for a tire swing and an in-ground pool with a diving board. It would maybe even have a fireplace in the living room so around Christmas we could hang our stockings on the mantel.
However, instead of the four bedroom house that I wanted so badly we lived in a four room apartment. I slept on a wooden bunk bed with my older sister Angela and my oldest sister Jillian had her own twin size bed, but we all shared the only bedroom. So my mother had to sleep on the couch in the living room. She was very humble and never complained. At this point in her life I think she was just happy to be alive and to be able to take care of her kids.
You See, when my mother was fifteen she ran
away from home. Her parents did not approve of the man she was seeing (my father), so my parents planned to have a baby so they could get married and be together. This was their way “out.”
It worked; everything was perfect for awhile. My mother got pregnant with her oldest daughter Jill. About 3 months later they were married. Five years later Angela (my middle sister) was born. A year and a half after that I was born.
After they were married everything changed. He started cheating, drinking, and abusing my mother for years afterward. Right before my mother got pregnant with me they spilt up. When he found out that she was pregnant again he told my mother if she didn’t have an
abortion that he would deny he was the father, which he still does to this day.She didn’t want him to leave her, but she didn’t listen to him and had me anyway. They never did get back together.
We hardly ever saw our father as kids, and
when he did come around there was always trouble. One weekend in particular sticks out in my mind. He took us out for the day, but when he brought us home, he walked us upstairs even though he’s not allowed in the house and broke down the door to the apartment. He ran into the living room where my mother was and started beating her and choking her, grabbed her by the hair and bent her over the couch. This was an older couch made of wood. The frame had wooden round
bars which the dark orange and brown floral printed cushions rested on. He placed her head in between the wooden bars of the couch and he was trying to snap her neck. Angela and I stood there frozen and watched in fear and shock as Jill jumped on his back and tried to distract him. He tossed her across the room like a rag doll, but she got up and called 911 About a minute or so later he just let go, stopped and walked away from my mother. My mother wasn’t moving and barely breathing as the ambulance arrived. She was rushed to the hospital where she almost died. My grandmother came for us kids and had us for the night. With the grace of God and my mother’s strength she pulled through and made a complete recovery.
After that night I don’t think my mother cared
where we lived or where she slept; she was just happy we were all together. Even as young children it brought us closer together as a family and put some important things into perspective for all us.
This experience helped opened my eyes. I no
longer dreamed of that big house. It’s not about where you live or the house you live in that makes the difference. It’s how you live. “Home” can be anywhere you want. House or apartment, it doesn’t matter. What does is the heart(s) that reside in it. For me, at the end of the day what good are allthose things if you don’t have the people you love around to enjoy them with? Yes,we lived in an apartment, but for us there was more love in that tiny four roomapartment than any big house that I had ever dreamed of.
My mother may not have been rich or a perfect parent but she always was there for her kids the best way she knew how. She never went out with her friends and she didn’t even go on on any dates. For just about 10 years she was single. Then she met who is now my stepfather. She gave up her life and dreams in order to make ours happen. So to me that speaksvolumes. For example, I’m sure we could have had a house, but then my mother would have never been there for us. She would have been to busy working and trying to pay the bills. We would have never got to spend all the time we did together. As a single parent, she deserves credit for everything she did. I can only hope that now that I have kids I can be half the mother she was to us.
